3 Ways to Overcome the Hurt of Cheating

By Jane Farrell

Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., have been married (and are still in love) after 35 years. As founders of the Hendricks Institute, in Ojai, California, and authors of the new book Conscious Loving Ever After, they have developed research-backed strategies for recovering from the hurt and bitterness caused by infidelity and for deepening long-term love.

Here are three of their smartest steps:

* Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up.

These are usually anger, sadness, and fear. That includes feeling all the emotions and sharing those as authentically as possible over time.

* Each person should take healthy responsibility for the events that have taken place.

Both people need to ask themselves, “Why was it inevitable that this situation occurred in my life at this particular time?” Asking a powerful question like that takes you out of thinking of yourself as a victim.

* Talk through what happened, listen generously to each other, and focus on what can be learned.

This way, partners can actually create a stronger relationship than before. Blame and withholding after infidelity, on the other hand, make it very difficult to recover.

Partners then can commit to each other to resolve the issue and create a new relationship based on what they really want.

Relationship experts Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have been married 35 years, worked together for 30 years, and authored over 30 books. Their smash bestseller Conscious Loving is used as a primary text in universities around the world. Now, their new book, Conscious Loving Ever After, explores how to make loving in the second half of life better than ever. They have offered seminars worldwide and appeared on more than 500 radio and television shows, including OPRAH, CNN, CNBC, 48 HOURS. They operate The Hendricks Institute in Ojai, Calif. For more information about their work, click here.