The Discussion

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I recently bumped into someone I’ve known for seventeen years. The moment I asked the standard “How are you?” I got the standard pleasantries – and then a discussion of a family conflict this person has been engaging in ever since I first knew her. While I listened to the oft-repeated story, I thought, “How I wish they could find peace.”

If a problem or conflict is in its painful early stages, I know that I myself feel better when I vent and pour my heart out to anyone who’s willing to listen. It’s comforting to discuss the problem and to get support from others. But I also have learned there comes a time when I have to realize that despite all the yelling, screaming and crying, I am simply not living my life.

I’ve talked with people who have learned from walking life’s joyful, painful path. They’ve reminded me that many times we may be able to look at our situation differently, even if we can’t change the situation itself. What you can change is your reaction to it. If you’re in pain the way my friend is, step away from the situation and take a good look at it. It’s not possible to see clearly when you’re too close to it.

Forgiveness, not angrily venting, is key to moving on. There is not a person alive who has not made a mistake. I have forgiven, and I have been forgiven by many.

Letting go of anger does take time, patience and work. But I know that focusing on the hurt is only hindering my enjoyment of life. I am learning to stop venting and to stop venting and use that energy to discuss solutions.

I do not have to do all the talking in every discussion; instead, I’m learning to listen with an open mind and heart. We all think our way is the right and only way, but that’s not reality.

We spoke for a much longer time than people usually do on street corners. I told this person that I get comfort from volunteering at the local church food pantry. Helping others in bad situations grounds me.
I gave them a hug and wished them peace.

The other day I heard the honking of a brand new car, and there my friend was, waving from the window with a brighter face. I hope that this is the start of healing, and I pray that the next time we need I’ll see an even bigger smile. The pain has lasted way too long.

Donna Ryan is the editor of the blog www.50plusstickingtogether.com. Please visit Donna’s site to read more of her work.