4 Steps to Increasing Your Gratitude

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There is a new discussion going around Facebook these days, called “The Gratitude Challenge.” People are challenging their friends to list three things they are grateful for, five days in a row. I was “tagged” by a former client and began my five-day acknowledgement, knowing that it would be easy to complete because I am learning more every day about the immense value of being grateful. However, it is a bonus to share my joy with others!

In my recent teleclass, “5 Top Challenges That Keep Midlife Women Stuck, and How to Overcome Them,” I shared that one of the top road blocks for most of us is perfectionism. Instead of being grateful for who we are, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, wishing we were younger, smarter, prettier, thinner, richer and the list goes on and on. Instead of embracing our own gifts, we covet those of friends or co-workers and allow our shameless self-critics to invade our thoughts with “you’re not good enough,” or “you don’t have what it takes.”

The key to overcoming this self-sabotage is letting go of perfection, comparisons and what you think you should be, in favor of loving yourself just as you are. Contentment is found in treating yourself with gentle grace and acceptance, just as you would your best friend, with unconditional love and gratitude for the amazing woman you are today.
Here are some of the key steps I shared on the call to help boost your self-esteem.

Remember that perfect is the enemy of great. Perfectionism will prevent you from savoring the goodness in life, instead being consumed with competing with others and conforming to the world’s standards. Strive for excellence, not acceptance, then move on! It’s not worth the stress of trying to achieve the impossible.

Instead of comparing yourself with others, compare yourself with you! Where were you five years ago, or even a year ago? What have you done on your own? How have you improved your life and the lives of others? Use yourself as your measuring stick, not someone else’s accomplishments.

Set your expectations on human standards. You are human, and you are expected to perform at human levels, not super-human. Setting the bar at unrealistic levels will certainly set you up for failure, so set your sights on goals that motivate you, not frustrate you. Don’t try to be Wonder Woman—she doesn’t exist!

Create a “gratitude jar” for yourself. Begin by writing at least five things that you love about yourself on pieces of paper and putting them in the jar. Every day, put at least one thing in the jar that you are grateful for. You may include your own unique gifts and skills, your accomplishments, your family and friends, the air/water/trees/animals around you or an “aha moment” you had that day.

Practice being grateful for who you are just as you are, without comparing yourself to what others have. A change in mindset will go a long way in self-acceptance, and embracing “good is good enough” will be truly liberating. Do this exercise for at least 30 days, which is the critical time it takes to change your develop a good habit. You will start looking for the good things in each day, appreciating yourself more.

Don’t wait for someone to “tag” you with the Gratitude Challenge on Facebook, or for a crisis to hit when you feel like everything has fallen apart. Start today living with a heightened awareness of everything you have to be grateful for, from the air your breathe every day to an opportunity you have to change someone’s life. Love yourself unconditionally and find true joy in your journey. Then, when you hit a “bump in the road,” you will have greater assurance that things will be fine as you focus on the good instead of the bad.

Susan Tolles is a Certified Christian Life Purpose Coach and the founder of www.flourishover50.com.