Baby Boomer Date Night

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As I wander from food station to food station, I wonder how we ever lived without these elaborate parties. Canapés here, hors d’oeuvres over there. Munchies and crunchies galore with the occasional beverage cart. All this while perusing the latest in fashion, design, and technology. I wonder why no one thought of these theme parties before.
And of course all the right people are here. You bump into your friends and colleagues around the refreshments talking about their latest finds.

Is it a trade show? Is it a couture runway show? Is it a celebrity bash? No, it is date night at CostCo. That’s right, you know you are somewhere between wedded bliss and settled apathy when the most fun you are having together is sampling the food handouts at CostCo. Now don’t get me wrong, the food is often pretty good. In fact, it is often much better than what you get at a trade show cocktail party.

And when you think about it, the whole set up is just better all around. You don’t have to invite anyone over trying to match up calendars. No awkward refusals. No one gets their feelings hurt being left off a list. If you bump into someone at CostCo, you can have a nice long chat without worrying about burning the roast. And if they are boring you to tears, you can just point to the ice cream in your cart and mention getting home before it melts. Everyone understands that one.

If you meet friends at CostCo, you don’t have to clean the house, fix food, or even dress to the nines. A pair of sweats, sneakers, and an old jacket is almost fashion overkill. No one ever apologies for looking like they interrupted their day to come to CostCo. We all interrupted our day to be there. We are all hauling leaky boxes into cars, trucking home to then haul it into cupboards and freezers. No one dresses up for that.

Yes, it is quite an honor to be in the CostCo Club. All you have to do is two things. First you must be able to amortize the cost of membership by the number of times you use CostCo in a year. Next, following on the heels of that first step, you must visit CostCo several times a week to justify the membership. There is a third unwritten law that says your tab should exceed one hundred bucks. In fact, in some CostCo stores there is a re-enter line pouring you back into the store from the register line if you do not reach $100.

Why? Because we all know you will get halfway home, slap your forehead when you finally remember the other $50 worth of goods you were supposed to buy, none of which made it to your cart the first time around. What did you buy? Two hundred daffodil bulbs (check the label, they are NOT self-planting), tiger print floor mats for the car (half price–I wonder why?), and 12 pounds of dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds. (Both are anti-oxidants so they have got to be good for you). You spaced-out the first go around on the actual list — you know, food, batteries, and vitamins.

There is no use in trying to make up excuses if you are caught as a couple in CostCo on a Saturday night. If you are shopping The Big Box it means you have many mouths to fill. Mouths that, no doubt, already ate up your cruise vacation money and expensive cuisine budget. Let’s face it, if you are lucky enough to hit CostCo on date night with just the two of you it might be your only quality social time together all week.

So bounce on the Barcaloungers, watch “Frozen” on the flat screens (for the umpteenth time), buy a bag of 200 chewy anythings, and enjoy the night out. And maybe if you have any cash left at all you can split an ice cream swirl. BONUS HINT OF THE WEEK: you can request the Very Berry Sundae with strawberries on chocolate ice cream even though the photos show it only on vanilla. Yum, yum!

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey
and The Baby Boomers Guide to Menopause.