Budget Is a Four-Letter Word

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The “budget word” is right up there with the “taxes word”. With a budget you rob Peter to pay Paul to make ends meet. When the tax man calls, you find out how much of that purloined pie has already been devoured by the government before you even pick up your knife to divvy it up.

Now I am all for rendering unto Cesar what is his due. And believe me it is beginning to feel like I live under Roman occupation with high taxes to pay for ongoing foreign wars and high living in the senate. But I am a responsible sort, so I file each year. It is just that the old budgeting system my mother taught me is not working any more. Who remembers when you put 25% away for housing, 10% for charity/church, 10% for savings and then you had 55% left for a comfy middle-class existence? Good luck with that one.

By retirement, it was assumed you would own your house and then all you would owe monthly was property taxes. Okay, but ,but. Yeah, lots of people lost their houses when they lost their jobs or got sick. FYI: If Jimmy Stewart, aka George Bailey, ran your bank you would still have your house. But I digress. Let’s say you have a house that is paid off. That means it is over 30 years old. The taxes have gone up because they (who are “they” anyway?) say your house is worth 10 times what you paid for it. Cool, except you don’t want to cash out, you want to live there. But now it needs a new roof, furnace, water heater, kitchen appliances, and new flooring: modestly about 25K. If you put those repairs on a credit card they will end up costing you about 50K. This would be a good time to invest in Capital One (Who’s in your wallet?).

Frustrated? Maybe this will help: A monthly retirement budget for Baby Boomers.

Housing, either renting or owning. (Wi-Fi, cable, phone–extra) now 50%
(On Social Security only, housing will be 100%. Time for a “Golden Girls” sequel.)

Medications, doctors, and physical therapy for your new hip, priceless. Or another 20%
(And that is after Medicare and supplemental insurance.)

Insurance premiums for house, car, teeth, long-term healthcare, another 20%.

New car payments/repairs for the old clunker, plus 8 quarts of oil a week. 10%

“But wait, Bob, we’re not finished yet…there is still more behind door number two.”

Redecorating the house OR food and taking your trusty old dog to the vet, another 20%

Hobbies, going out dancing OR paying for kids/grandkids braces…yes indeedy 20%

Cosmetic surgery OR paying local extortionists aka grandkids school fundraisers 20%

New computer, phone, printer OR regular Geek Squad repairs, yup 20%
(Repairs with obligatory rolling eyes, “This is like a year old, it is SO not worth fixing.”)

Trip of a lifetime OR heating/air conditioning one bedroom or den, you betcha 20%

Yes siree-bob that is 200%. And this is not a menu, this is reality. Some hard working folks who had their homes, pensions and savings wiped out, due to no fault of their own, are making less than $800 a month on Social Security. So if you make more than that remember to pick up their tab at the diner.

Anyway you slice it the pie is shrinking. Looks like we better “just learn to all get along,” because we may be doing what the chic do in the summer out in the Hamptons. We will be house-sharing with total strangers because it is the only way we can have the lifestyle we want. You know all the extravagant stuff like food, and heat. Yup, budget is a four-letter word.

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of “Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey,” and “The Baby Boomer’s Guide to Menopause.”