Uncovering Happiness: Part 2

By Jed Diamond, PhD, LCSW

Elisha Goldstein is cofounder of The Center for Mindful Living in Los Angeles. He is author of several books including Uncovering Happiness, The Now Effect, Mindfulness Meditations for the Anxious Traveler and co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, Foreword by Jon Kabat-Zinn. His website is http://elishagoldstein.com/

I’ve known Elisha for many years and find his work very helpful and practical in assisting all of us to better deal with depression, anxiety, and stress which plagues so many of us these days. You can read my first interview with Elisha here.

Jed:  What is “the depression loop” and why is it important for us to understand it?

Elisha:  Depression is an aversive experience, the brain registers it as a trauma. That means once we’ve had it, the brain will do what it can to try and stay away from it. This trauma includes thoughts, emotions, sensations and behaviors that get conditioned together. After a depressive trauma the brain raises its antenna and any sign that it’s coming on again – a slew of negative thoughts, irritability, heaviness in the body or poor sleeping – is time to raise the alarm. This happens in the same way as getting bit by a dog where the next time we see a dog, it doesn’t even matter if it’s a small Chihuahua, we’ll flinch.

The depression loop is this conditioned reaction. All we need is one of these cues to get sucked back into the loop. Recurrent depression is the brain flinching to any cue that breathes of the past trauma of a previous episode of depression. It’s not personal, even though it feels so personal.

Getting depressed is not our faults at all.

Jed: There are a lot of people taking antidepressant medications these days. I took them for awhile myself. What are the most important things people should know about these kinds of medications and how they are used?

Elisha:  I mention in Uncovering Happiness that medications can at times be a lifesaver to many. I’ve seen them raise someone up just enough out of the stuckness to be able to engage in the support to work through their natural anti-depressants. However, they’re also run by sales companies who have sales forces that are rewarded heavily for selling more and more medications. I used to work in sales, so I know a bit about this.

They can play at bit too much on our “quick fix” cultural desires. Overall, I believe anti-depressants are often over-prescribed and also too quickly prescribed for many people and then can also come with an onslaught of side effects that can lead to more medications.

The bottom line is that whether you are on anti-depressants and they’re working well, or you’re trying to get off anti-depressants or you’re not on them, either way it’s important for you to know that you do have these inner strengths within that can be uncovered, practiced and build a sense of resiliency and a more enduring well-being.

Jed: As you know many of my readers are men and women who are concerned about the men in their lives. What are some of the unique things that you have observed about men, depression, and happiness?

Elisha: In the early days, the man’s greatest responsibility was to protect the tribe. Our brains have been crafted over thousands and thousands of years to guard against vulnerability. The problem with depression for men is that is makes us imbalanced, uncertain and feel vulnerable. However, the physical threats that men were guarding against in the past, in most cases, are no longer the threats of modern day. But the brain hasn’t figured this out yet and treats emotional vulnerability as a threat, keeping men from truly reaching our highest human potential.

So many men will hide their depression so they don’t seem vulnerable. They’ll try and do it themselves. This leads more to self-medication with drugs and alcohol, isolation and higher stress levels. Without knowing that our fear of vulnerability fuels the depression loop, and can even make it more deadly.

It’s great to have role models who can bust the depression myths. Philip Burguieres was one of the youngest fortune 500 CEOs in our country and after a tough battle with depression, finally came out with it and it freed him. It even got him in touch with the natural anti-depressant of purpose as he made it part of his work to help other men be okay with discussing it.

There are many role models like this than can help change men’s implicit understand that depression is “bad” or a “weakness” and needs to be hidden.

Jed: A lot of your book introduces us to what you call “The Five Natural Antidepressants.” Briefly tell us about each of them and why they are important.

Elisha: These are mindsets that we can all adopt and put to work in our lives that actually create neural shifts in the brain that override the depressive activity. When we intentionally practice and repeat them overtime, neurons fire together and inevitably fuse together. This creates an anti-depressant brain.

Our work is to learn how to ignite these mindsets and that’s what I take people through in the book.  Here’s an excerpt of them from the Uncovering Happiness that gives an overview of them:

These natural antidepressants can be gathered into five main categories:

1. Mindfulness: a flexible and unbiased state of mind where you are open and curious about what is present, have perspective, and are aware of choices.
2. Self-compassion: a state of mind where you understand your own suffering and use mindfulness, kindness, and loving openness to hold it nonjudgmentally and consider it part of the human condition.
3. Purpose: a state of mind where you are actively engaged in living alongside your values, are inclined toward compassion for others, and possess an understanding of how your existence contributes value to the world.
4. Play: a flexible state of mind in which you are presently engaged in some freely chosen and potentially purposeless activity that you find interesting, enjoyable, and satisfying.
5. Mastery: a state of mind where you feel a sense of personal control and confidence and are engaged in learning to get better and better at something that matters.

Jed:  If you were talking heart-to-heart with a close friend going through depression, what would you tell him?

Elisha: This would of course depend on how deep and debilitating the depression was for this friend or if it was a lighter form of it where he was feeling overwhelmed with life and down.  However, the first thing I would do would be to be with him because it’s such a lonely experience.  I’d want to listen to him without giving tons of advice at first.

I’d also let him know that depression with men is far more prevalent than he likely thinks it is and there is so much support out there. I’d probably relay a bit of the science (I know some of it) because this can often ignite a bit of objectivity and create space from the shame that somehow this is his fault.

If he were in a relationship I’d encourage him to talk about it with his partner. Again, depending on where he was at I would suggest different resources that may be supportive to him like a men’s group, a therapy group, individual therapy or maybe to open up a bit to other friends he felt safe with.

Most important for me is that he gets a sense that he’s not alone, this is temporary and there is hope. I think that’s the underlying message that I’ve found to be true.

Jed: I understand you have a special offer for our readers. Please tell us about it and how my readers can take advantage of it.

Elisha: Thank you Jed, for a limited time during the pre-order period, after you buy your book from any online retailer (Amazon, B&N, etc…), just go to http://elishagoldstein.com/uncovering-happiness-promo/, put in your name, email and the confirmation number and you’ll get a 90-minute Video that will take you through Uncovering Happiness, 10 Interviews with leaders about Optimal Living and a few audio practices to get you started. This will only be available for short time longer.

At the end, please thank yourself for taking the time to engage in this work for your own learning, health and well-being.

Jed: Both Elisha and I are very interested in your responses. If you have comments or questions, we’d enjoy hearing from you.

You can contact Jed at Jed@MenAlive.com. You can contact Elisha at http://elishagoldstein.com/contact/.

Jed Diamond, PhD, LCSW, is the Founder and Director of the MenAlive, a health program that helps men live well throughout their lives. Though focused on men’s health, MenAlive is also for women who care about the health of the men in their lives. Diamond’s new book, Stress Relief for Men: How to Use the Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well, brings together the wisdom accumulated in 40 years helping more than 20,000 men, women, and children. Please visit http://menalive.com/.