Living Longer…or Lamenting Longer?

By thirdAGE

The happy fact is that as a society, we are living longer than did generations past – and that’s a wonderful thing. Thanks to a sharply increased awareness in taking care of our health (as well as the modern advances taking place both in medicine and at department store cosmetic counters), we are staying younger in outer appearance, inner health and overall attitude – and we are living longer as a result. Just one look at reruns from the earlier years of television demonstrates that people in their fifties, sixties and beyond were very different from those of us in these age groups today. We of the baby boomer era have made indeed huge strides in crushing previous stereotypes of a chronologically older generation; setting a wonderful example for the generations who will follow. 

Statistics prove it and we both covet and continue to work toward it.

Living longer.

A collective goal that by all factual accounts is being achieved by a large majority.

So why in the name of common sense are we complaining about growing older when that is exactly what living longer brings?

I just do not get it.

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Ironically, after many youthful years spent yearning to be "old enough" (to date, to drive, to order a drink and in my world, to wear high heels), too many people are now complaining about being “old”. People are actually whining about the fulfillment of the goal – that of living longer. From purportedly humorous greeting cards to cutesy internet memes, age lament and age-negativity is widely spread, constantly reinforced and surrounds us on a daily basis. 

Now I do admit that there are some things for which I am personally and definitely beyond "the age “. My "dancing-till-dawn-and-go-to-work-after-three-hours-of-sleep” days have since become “dinner-and-a-martini” days and I do envy my daughters their seemingly never-ending energy (once a part of my youth as well).  However, and in all honesty, I have never once bemoaned how old I am – but if I ever did, those complaints certainly would have stopped after becoming widowed. The logic is obvious – I do not grumble about my chronological age because as with anyone who has lost a loved one, I have had a front-row seat to the alternative to seeing one more candle on a birthday cake.  

That alternative is death. 

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As sad coincidence would have it, I am writing this piece while in the midst of mourning the virtually simultaneous loss of three former classmates. All three were in their mid-fifties, as am I (in fact, I am now the same age as my late husband was when he passed away). All three left behind spouses, children, careers and lives that they did not want to leave and I feel safe in making the assumption that given the opportunity, none of them would have complained about their respective “next numbers” on the chronological scale of life. 

I recently heard a quote that states, “Getting older is inevitable; aging is optional.”  While I certainly agree with the latter part of the sentiment, I would respectfully disagree with the former. The word “inevitable is defined as “certain to happen; unavoidable; inescapable”.  The reality is that getting older is not inevitable. Getting older is not a certainty; nor is it “inescapable”. Getting older is not promised to anyone. Getting older is not a guarantee. I suggest instead that getting older is a privilege. It is a gift – a gift that is promised to no one and when granted, should be treasured by everyone. 

So why…WHY…are we complaining about living longer – the very thing for which most of us strive?

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Now, please do not confuse complaining about age with complaints about aging – and here comes the part of the aforementioned quote with which I do agree. While I may not complain about my "number", I happily and shamelessly fight the actual aging processes with great gusto. Any food, cosmetic, exercise, product or Magic Du Jour that includes the words "anti-aging" is fine with me (and is usually on a shopping list). Similarly, my attitude matches my anti-aging fervor – I do not let my age determine my attitude or dictate my potential. Admittedly, while fighting the effects of aging on all fronts takes a little more effort than it did in years past, I nonetheless make the effort – which will hopefully in turn be rewarded with living longer…and subsequently growing even older.

Do I fight the aging processes? Without question. Will I ever carp about my actual age?  Never. Furthermore, when anyone complains to me about how old they are, I will always reply, "Consider the alternative"…because as have millions of others, I have seen that very alternative up-close and far too often. Begging the pardon of the age-complainers, but I will take next year's number any day over the alternative that so many of us have witnessed.

So while I may grumble about the new wrinkle on my face that was once a cute dimple or grouse about the aches and pains that growing older brings, I will never lament my "number". I will not participate in age-negativity by purchasing the unfunny greeting cards or sharing the memes that gripe about age. I will continue to celebrate the fact that I am living longer. I will celebrate the fact that I am here. I will continue to work with joy, love to distraction, embrace the people and adventures that cross my path, chase the dreams that continue to grow and evolve within my heart and wear whatever I damn well please (I couldn’t resist that last one).

Join me, won’t you?

Carole Brody Fleet is the multi-award winning author of the #1 ranked new release in its genre, “When Bad Things Happen to Good Women…” (Viva Editions, October, 2015). She is also the author of “Happily EVEN After… "(Viva Editions); winner of the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award; as well as the critically praised, national bestseller, "Widows Wear Stilettos…" (New Horizon Press). Ms. Fleet is featured on numerous television shows and regularly appears as a media expert on numerous radio programs nationally and internationally; as well as in national and international print media. To learn more about Carole Brody Fleet, please visit www.widowswearstilettos.com and www.carolefleetspeaker.com