How to Conquer Feeling Alone

By Susan “Honey” Good

Feeling alone is a pervasive feeling that affects all age groups. Did you know the average network of friends and colleagues has decreased dramatically over the past three decades? Younger people are marrying later in life, if at all. Older people are living longer without their spouse.

People feel alone at work, as their main communication tools are no longer other individuals, but their computers and iPhones. Young families and grandparents are alone because many families have scattered for employment reasons or moved to warmer destinations–and let’s not forget those people who feel alone in a crowd or in their relationship with their husbands.

Identify the Cause of Your Loneliness

I could write and write about the solutions you already know. Top on my list: Join a group. Volunteer. Adopt a pet. Go to Starbucks. Take a class for fun. Listen and watch TED Talks. Take up a hobby such as writing or photography.

When push comes to shove, it is all up to you to identify your cause of loneliness first by understanding the symptoms. So, the first thing you have to do is identify the root cause of these feelings. Are you lonely in your marriage or relationship? Are you lonely in your job? Do your friends make you feel lonely.

Sit down with a cup of tea or wait until you are in bed at night to pick up a pen and a pad of paper to identify what makes you lonely.

I Identified My Lonely Feeling

It took me less than 5 seconds to identify where and why I feel lonely and not much longer to express my feelings on paper. I know you will know what causes you to feel alone, too. What will take longer is how to conquer or come to terms with these feelings.

Sitting in front of my computer at 5:35am, I wrote this in five minutes because I instantly knew the answer.

I feel lonely living in Palm Springs. That is a biggie because I live there on and off, mostly on for six months of the year.

What makes me feel lonely in Palm Springs? The physical environment of the landscape.

I have tried to shake it. I can’t. When walking down the street with my ultimate concierge or having lunch with girlfriends laughing and talking, I can feel that loneliness creeps into my soul because of the physical environment of the desert. It has stark cactus and rocky mountains without foliage. It is emotionally cold.

I am emotionally warm. I miss the warmth of the trade winds wrapping themselves around me and the smell of the salty air from the sea talking to me. The palms and orchids brought a constant feeling of happiness and contentment that I experienced while living in Honolulu.

I can’t feel the happiness in the desert that I feel in my beautiful Chicago as I walk alone down streets or sit alone in the park with my MacBook Pro writing to you. I have felt this way for 26 years!

While trying to adapt, I continually try to appreciate my blessing. I am trying to feel grateful every day for the friendships I have made, for the beautiful home we have built and above all, to put my husband’s happiness first.

How I Conquer Feeling Alone

My ultimate concierge and I have put our home on the market. We will leave Palm Springs and resettle near a sea. We have not decided where, as we haven’t even started looking.

I am waiting for an answer. The process is no longer in my hands. That I decided to try and conquer this alone feeling is huge for me because like most women, I am a giver.

Now It’s Your Turn To Conquer Your Alone Feeling

“Monkey see, monkey do,” my darlings. Copy me. Write, write, write! You will identify the cause and then you can try like I did to live into your answer. Change is hard, but the feeling of loneliness is even more difficult. The cause will provide clues to your solution.

Remember…

Drowning in self-pity is never the answer. Reading self-help books is also not the answer. Comparing yourself to other people? Can you really tell what is going on behind anyone else’s facade?

What is important and what I want you to remember is that there is a huge amount of power in being content with your own company and not allowing yourself to become isolated.

1. I cherish my alone time.
2. I surround myself with like-minded groups. The key to eliminating that alone feeling is to connect with like-minded people.
3. Live outside the box. You are over 50 and you have a lot of blooming thoughts in that head of yours. You know yourself and you are filled with wisdom so flaunt it, darlings. Don’t isolate yourself.

Have a purpose. Focus. This will give you direction and a sense of accomplishment. Your mind will be occupied and positive and you won’t have time to feel lonely. Please remember that you cannot expect others to cure your alone feeling.

I have given you a little project to complete. Try it. Write down your thoughts. You may find yourself quite enlightened.

Susan “Honey” Good is the founder of HoneyGood.com where this blog originally appeared. The site is a collection of lessons learned, life advice and insights from not only her, but from a fantastic group of contributing writers, each adding their own spice to the recipe. Honey Good.com representing “a family tree of women” — wives, mothers, daughters, granddaughters, mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law, sisters, aunts, cousins and girlfriends — coming together to talk about what makes them tick as well as what they have in common. Honey Good discusses life experiences with wisdom, humor and intellect, enabling all to attain a “Honey Good Style of Life.”