Are You a Superwoman? Learn to "Just Be" Human

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Many of us are superwomen, and this has both its positives and negatives. We are the women who feel and desire to live up to expectations and pressures to do it all.  We are the women who work hard and are 100% dedicated to fulfill multiple roles in life by juggling career, marriage, family, and friends. On the upside it feels amazing to be successful and needed on all fronts, and there is a great sense of identity, satisfaction and happiness associated with being able to juggle it all. On the flip side of many of us feel overworked, misunderstood often alone and stressed.

Here are the reasons this happens – and what you can do to change:

1. Wanting to be good and liked:  Superwomen desire to be seen as good inside and out. They tend to strive for perfection in how they look, speak and perform. Being judged as good is necessary for their sense of worth. As a result, they often get into the habit of people-pleasing. Being liked is vital to there self-worth.

To solve this, superwomen need to first take time to love themselves and base their self-worth on that. They can learn they are loved even when they are doing nothing.

 2. Need for Recognition:  Accomplishments bring recognition, and for superwomen recognition is the drug of choice. The more they achieve, the more recognition they get, the more they want to achieve. They are fueled by the feeling that attention and recognition provide them.

To solve this, superwomen need to practice being loved without the dependence upon someone else’s approval.

3. Not asking for help: Doing something without asking for help can come from a fear that no one can do it better than she can, or that she will be a failure if she can’t do it all alone.

To work on this, superwomen can start small by asking others to help on smaller tasks for her to trust that they will get done efficiently, and to recognize that everyone needs help.

4. Difficulty Saying NO:  Superwomen are afraid if they say no they won’t be wanted, liked or valued anymore. Saying no may make another person angry. It is difficult for superwomen to tolerate anyone else’s discomfort, especially if they are the one who is causing it.

To work on this superwomen can learn to say no to others not based on what is good for them, not for the person making the request.

5. Driven to Accomplish:  There is no ceiling on accomplishment.  Superwomen are driven to be the best employees or business owners, the best mothers, and best wives and best friends.

In order to avoid emotional and physical exhaustion, superwomen need to learn to accomplish the tasks of just being, receiving and following.

6. Difficulty Receiving:  Giving keeps her in a position of power.  However, if she is always giving then it is not possible for her to feel appreciated enough; in turn, that causes her to see everyone as coming up short for her. The result: depression as well as chronic conflict in her relationships, because no one can feel they measure up to her expectations.

She needs to learn how good it feels to give and allow others that place so they can feel that same experience when giving to her.

Superwomen are wonderful women who love deeply, give generously and have a tremendous need for belonging and love. It is beautiful to be and feel successful, needed and appreciated and it is equally as important to learn to just be, to receive and to be able to follow rather than lead. Life will be much more fulfilling in this way.

Sherapy Advice:  Give yourself permission to stop being frantic. The world will not fall apart; it will come together.

Sherrie Campbell, PhD is a veteran, licensed Psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California.  In her private practice, she currently specializes in psychotherapy with adults and teenagers, including marriage and family therapy, grief counselling, childhood trauma, sexual issues, personality disorders, illness and more. She has helped individuals manage their highest high and survive their lowest low—from winning the lottery to the death of a child.  Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person, available on Amazon.