Assisted Living: An Insider's View

By Carol Netzer

Editor’s note: Carol Netzer, 91, is a resident of an assisted-living home in New York City. She has written a book, Assisted Living: An Insider’s View, that offers her perspective on life in the home. She talks about what she knows and what she has learned from being in assisted living. In this blog post, her first for thirdAGE, she talks about making the transition to assisted living.

To make a transition means to leave something old and familiar to enter into a way of life that is new and unfamiliar. Making a good transition is the first step—an important one—to insure a good experience in your retirement home. Here are some suggestions to make this happen.

Visit the place you like best and, if you can, stay a few days before you make a long-term commitment. This will help make it more familiar. Retirement homes generally recognize the need for trial visits, and some of them have set aside guest rooms for this purpose.

On a temporary visit you will meet the residents and have an opportunity to ask them what they like about the facility and what they would change. Whether you stay for a few hours or a few days, notice whether the staff is attentive and responsive to the residents.

If you are not planning to stay overnight, ask if you may speak to a few of the residents. Notice the surroundings, inside and out, and consider whether you will feel comfortable in the neighborhood. Is it safe? Is it pleasant? Is there a drug store or convenience store nearby? A small park? Something else that’s important to you? Time spent in and around the retirement home beforehand will help ease your move and familiarize you with your new home and the neighborhood. You may also have the good luck to meet some residents in advance whom you would like to get to know.

Before you move in, ask the staff if there are some people who would be mutually congenial. Introduce yourself to people in the elevator, dining room, or beauty shop. The barber or beauty shop in the residence is a good place to talk to people because these places have a relaxed and easy feel. The hairdresser is accustomed to chatting with his clients, and the client is often in an open and friendly mood while doing something pleasurable. Dinah, who told me her thoughts about making the transition and leaving the family, spoke freely to me there.

In every successful adjustment to assisted living I’ve seen, the end result is that the resident is able to enjoy the company of at least a few others. They join book groups, go on outings or sit next to someone at an in-house movie or lecture, and conversation is natural and easy. Most residences show movies frequently and people who like the same kind of films find each other there. Similarly, like-minded people can find each other at political discussions, yoga classes or the drama club. Above all, there is a psychological incentive to relate to someone congenial because every resident in assisted living is now living in circumstances different and unfamiliar from his life in the family.

To feel more at home, socialize.

For more on Netzer and her writing, click on her byline above.