Companion and Caregiver

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The words companion/caregiver are positive words for us who have parents. They are also sad words. They are not positive words for our parents. I know. My mother has a “companion,” she says! Not a caregiver. We dare not call Mimi a caregiver. My father had a caregiver.

Below are tips I have learned that I want to share with you when you may have to look for a companion or caregiver for your own parents.

Offering your parents emotional support, loving support and helpful support from children is number 1 on the list seconded by the right caregiver. Stay involved with the caregiver.

How to find the right person: Through your parent’s friends, your friends or your parent’s physician or an A+ agency.

You will want to interview the caregivers. When interviewing, do a pre-interview over the phone and ask for references. If your parent is well intellectually, suggest to your parent that he/she interview the person on his/her own with the understanding that you would like to meet with both of them before a decision is reached.

We had more than one caregiver. Choose one to be the coordinator for all problems that may arise. The best manner is to let them decide. Examples: one of the caregivers gets ill, who will cover? Who will schedule doctors’ appointments so appointments do not overlap? Who will do the grocery shopping? And on and on.

Very important: Inform them you will NOT pay by the hour, but by the week. I learned the hard way!

Questions you should ask the companion/caregiver at the time of the interview and information about the job you will provide.

1. Can you furnish me a list of references?

2. Can you drive and do you own your own car? If your parent or parents no longer drive, it will make your parent’s life so much healthier and more enjoyable to have a caregiver who drives. Your parent will be involved in the outside world.

3. Can you administer drugs, take blood pressure, and comprehend the importance of understanding the doctor at office visits?

4. What are your outside obligations? Do you have young children? Are you healthy? Do you have elderly parents to care for? They must be footlose and fancy free 100% of the time.

There are many of us whose parents cannot afford outside help. And many of us grammas cannot afford to pitch in. What to do?

I checked out nursing facilities and retirement homes. The costs are approximately the same as having private help.

Many grammas will have their parents move into their homes. That can be very rewarding.

A great grandchild’s role benefits both the great grandparent and the great grandchild. Taking the children to visit is important. It teaches them to be patient and to realize that one day they will be elderly and will want to be treated with love and respect.

Writing this blog is not fun. But it is important. It took a lot of adjustments in my own life to handle this life event that we all will face in one manner or another with our parents. They gave life to us. Now at this stage of life, it is our turn to give back. It is worth everything to us grammas to give our parents “quality of life”.

Do something GOOD today: Think about your role as caregiver in your family’s lives!

Susan Good is the founder of Gramma Good, a collection of lessons, love and adventures not only from her, but also from a group of contributors and writers. Women of all ages have sent in so many questions, so Susan I started the “Ask Gramma Good” column on the site. In Susan’s words: “As grammas, mothers and daughters, we meet at Gramma Good – a place for the entire family of women to laugh and learn together. I’m so happy to have you join our community!”