Don't Be the Ex Who Won't Go Away

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Breakups are excruciatingly painful, especially if the breakup came out of nowhere.  It puts us into total shock and disbelief, which are two very difficult emotional states to harness.  As sad, confused and upset as we are, there is nothing more unattractive then when we are not able to have some modicum of control over our emotions after a breakup when dealing with our ex.  Never be that ex, you know the one, who will not let go or go away.

Think about the future: What do you want your ex to be saying about you at the dinner table with friends or family? That you are crazy and won’t let go as he or she tells a million stories of how crazy you have been acting?  You will be mocked and laughed at, which is not so good for the pride.  The best remedy is to disappear and give the Ex nothing to talk about, then the whispers will be done about them: “Man,I cannot believe they haven’t heard anything from the ex.”

Don'ts: Do not send endless text messages letting your ex know how much you love and miss them. Do not do the accidental text or the “oops, so sorry, I accidentally pushed your number.” Do not block your numbers so you can call and hang up just to hear that voice. Do not beg and plead for your ex to take you back, because it makes you appear desperate and pathetic rather than independent and sexy. Do not frequent your old stomping grounds, hoping for a run-in.  Do not let the ex know you are falling apart or threaten them that they will never find someone better.  Do not stalk, drive by or cyber spy, and do not attempt to make your ex jealous.

Do: Find your willpower, self-control and dignity, and go no contact.  Yes, it will be the hardest thing you ever do, but you were devalued and discarded by your ex as if you were nothing. He or she is expecting you to be pathetic, crying, needy and begging. Your ex won't expect you to pick yourself up, go silent and move on with your life. They'll  begin to wonder if he ever meant anything to YOU.

New Life:  You have a new life now that you must adjust to and accept.  Do everything you can to make it happy and yourself happy. This is the opportunity to prove to yourself that you do not need your ex to be happy. This is the time to get your life back on your terms and develop a new maturity and elegance to who you are as a person.  This is a time to renew your sexiness through growth, self-control and acceptance.

Let go:  Letting go is extremely challenging.  Try and find the bigger picture as you are grieving and staying away from your ex. See all the things about the relationship that did not work for you rather than blaming yourself for the breakup. It is not like the ex was perfect…you can see that just by he or she he ended the relationship.

Focus on yourself: Now is the time to chase your dreams and become the sexiest, happiest and most successful you that you can become. There is no better revenge on your ex then when you move tastefully on and become the best you that you can be. You will see that your ex was only holding you back.

Sherrie Campbell, PhD, is a veteran, licensed psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California. She has helped individuals manage their highest high and survive their lowest low—from winning the lottery to the death of a child.  Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person. She is also an inspirational speaker, avid writer and proud mother.  She can be reached at sherriecampbellphd.com.