Getting the Love You Want

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What is the secret to attracting your soul mate and the loving relationship you yearn for? Really, it’s very simple. It all starts with you and loving yourself. Only when you truly love yourself can you be in a loving relationship. Here are my five tips to truly loving yourself so you can get the love you want.

Distinguish between your wants and desires

Here it’s important to distinguish between what you think you want and what you truly desire. Often what we think we want with our head is not always what we truly desire with our heart and soul. Is it really a romantic partner/lover/pet/new toy or is it to love and be loved? Take a few minutes to sort this out for yourself. At the end of the day we all truly desire love. If you don’t love yourself for who you are first and above all else, no one or nothing will ever give you the love you are looking for.

Let go of what is standing in the way

If you believe you are not getting what you want, you need to look at what is standing in the way. If you are hoping for an ex to come back into your life, you are closing yourself off from some other form of love to reach you. If you have been hurt in the past and have not let this hurt go, you will not be able to allow a fresh love to come into your field. As well, if you believe you absolutely need a potential mate to meet certain criteria you are closing off exciting possibilities. 

Feel the love within

When we focus on getting more of the love we already are, superficial wants just disappear. This is not to say that these wants are unimportant but they are secondary. When you fill your heart with love, everything else magically falls into place. If this sounds too esoteric for you, just close your eyes, connect to your breath, place your hands on your heart center and think of who/what you love. If you feel love warming up your heart then you have your proof- you are already the love you are looking for. No one is doing anything for you. You are doing it all yourself.

Practice OTGF (openness, trust, gratitude, forgiveness)

Sometimes love comes our way and we don’t even recognize it. If you are focused on your sadness and your perceived imperfections you become blind to the love that is already there. When you are open you not only feel the love that you are but you feel the love coming from others. You need to trust that you are on the right path even when life seems rough. You need to show gratitude for the beauty around you regardless of what is happening, and you need to forgive yourself when you forget who you truly are. Most importantly, do not go to that place of judgement where you berate yourself for not being open, trusting, grateful or forgiving enough. Some days are easier than others, some days we love more, some days we love less. We are each on a journey and we are each learning.

Take action

It’s easy to think that the universe will provide for us when we are doing all the right things. Though the Universe does always respond, we do need to start the ball rolling. You may need to get rid of someone in your life or you may need to bring someone new in. In either case, you will need to take some action to love yourself more. Getting rid of toxic relationships whether at work, home or play will require a difficult conversation or a gesture of some kind. Likewise, finding a new job, love interest or friend will require effort as well. The more loving you are and the more you practice OTGF (openness, Trust, gratitude, forgiveness) the clearer your path will be.

Nicky Rolland is a spiritual teacher and author. She just released Stepping into Consciousness: A Guide to Living a Life of Meaning, Joy and, Abundance. Nicky holds a Bachelor in Commerce from Concordia University. She completed her medicine wheel training with the Four Winds Society before becoming a certified Kripalu yoga teacher. For more information about Nicky, her teachings, and the on line tools she offers in spiritual healing, growth, and transformation please visit her website www.nickyrolland.com.