Holidays in Reflection

By

As the Holidays wind down and we slide into 2014 and a whole brand new year, I contemplate all the things I have wanted for Christmas over the past years. And now my Santa Wish List takes on a different tone from “gimme” to “leave me alone”.

Christmases of yore:

5 years old: a bicycle with training wheels, paints

10 years old: Life-size Patty Play Pal (Cut off all her hair within a week), books, candy

15: Tickets to a Beatles concert, skis & money for the HS ski trip, bell-bottom plaid pants

20:  Insurance for my car, money for skiing, money for a trip to Bermuda

25: (By then I was married with two kids) New tires, warm boots, a decent snow shovel

30: A bundt pan, a decent vacuum cleaner, money for a good marriage counselor

35: (Divorced) A ticket to Florida to see Mom, money for a business course, chocolate

40: Travel guidebooks for Europe, a good suitcase, pearls

45: A good business suit, new shoes, money for a Tony Robbins’ seminar

50: A leather day planner book, perfume, and a spa day

55: (Remarried) A decent serving platter for parties, books on writing, plants

60: (Divorced again) Money to go see the grandchildren, books, a new laptop

Now at 62 with disabilities that slow me down, rob me of energy and leave me in pain I have a different kind of wish list.

Dear Santa,

I don’t need any more crap

What I need is more time, old chap

The thing I desire

Is a book by the fire

And maybe a dog in my lap

            ————-

If you must, send your elves to de-clutter

My house: basement to gutters

See, I have three of each item

Ad infinitum

And the stuff seems to spread like butter

            ————

Now Saint Nick it’s not that I’m Scrooge

I have tons of merriment to exude

I’ve had a rich life

But no longer a ‘house’ wife

Nix on dust-ables…but yes, send on food.

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of "Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey," and "The Baby Boomer's Guide to Menopause."