Kitchen Gadget Heave-ho!

By

Let’s face it, most Baby Boomers are at a stage when they have to scale down. Maybe you are going to move to a smaller place or condo. Maybe you just bought an RV and are going to try that experiment from biology class where you put two rats in the same small cage and wait to see which one kills the other one first. Any way you slice it, there will be less cabinet space in the kitchen. So let’s review what you need and what you don’t really need.

First off, all the seasonal knick-knacks and décor get the heave-ho. Turkey platters can get the nix. And for those given to a Martha Steward kitchen . . . chuck the cake pans in the shape of Santa, hearts, shamrocks, Easter bunnies, flags, Saint Swithin, or Barbie. It should go without saying that the cookie-tree-display, relish dish, and fondue pot are history. Why? Because you have reached the age when you should be invited by children for the holidays, or you can go out to dinner. (Yes, McDonald’s or Costco at 5 p.m. counts). You can now send a grateful host a check for the cake or meal. Okay, if you still love hosting, pick only ONE holiday. Mine is Arbor Day…a couple of branches off the tree for a centerpiece, an apple-orange salad, sassafras tea, and we are done.
Be ruthless! You don’t need a Cuisinart if you have two or three decent knives. It’s a lot easier to clean a cutting board and a knife than all the assorted lethal blades. Adios to the seal-a-meal. (You are cooking for two now, not the National Guard). Vegetable steamer, nada. (That is why God made the microwave and plastic wrap). Pancake griddle, waffle iron, muffin tins, angel food cake pan and panni press all go for obvious reasons. (Not obvious? Look at your lap that is now a pillow). You can part ways with your meat thermometer (see turkey platter), turbo-charged anything, George Foreman anything, electric knife (see turkey). And you can bequeath all your holiday napkins, tablecloths, centerpieces, runners, holiday dishes, and napkin rings. You won’t be needing them where you are going (to someone else’s house). As they say in the animated movie Frozen “LET IT GO”. I am not saying you can’t cook. I am saying you now have my permission to stop hosting events that equal a political fund raiser at The Waldorf.

My rule of thumb is this: one drawer for utensils, one for spatulas, one cabinet for a few regularly used appliances: juicer, coffee maker, and wok. That leaves another cabinet for the few things you cannot live without. Maybe you can only eat melon if it comes in perfect little balls, or you like to churn and paddle your own butter to release stress. If so, go for it. I confess, I have two thing-a-ma-jigs that have made the ur, um, cut for the newer, smaller Baby Boomer kitchen.

My friend Fran sold me on the AS SEEN ON TV Veggetti. Which is hard to say without sounding like you are talking about an Italian porn star. But this little baby is like a large pencil sharpener and the pencil is a small zucchini or yellow summer squash. The goal is to eat the “shavings” which come out as linguini or spaghetti strands. It is fantastic for low carb diets. The only drawback is that you have to “sharpen” your squash by hand, but it is so much fun to see the pasta magically appear it keeps me amused. Hint: rumor has it that you should keep your fingers out of the tube near the blades. Just cut up the end of the squash that looks like a stubby pencil. And no, I cannot tell you who told me that.

Another kitchen gadget my daughter showed me has kept me out of the ER more than once. It is the new-fangled hand can opener that “uncrimps” the edge of a can so there is no sharp edge. No cutting of metal means no cutting of my wrists as I grab over the open can for something I forgot to drop in the chili. It means no sharp edges of the lids in the garbage bag when I forget not to use my hands to shove it all together for one more day’s space before Garbage Day. So go for it. Unclutter your life starting with your kitchen. You’ll thank me . . . well, until you can’t find the salad tongs or the garlic press.

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of “Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey,” and “The Baby Boomer’s Guide to Menopause.”