Life Without Guilt

By Susan “Honey” Good

I am back in my beautiful Chicago. I feel a calmness as I gaze straight ahead and see Lake Michigan out of the windows in our apartment in the sky. Its magnificence takes my breath away.

I purposely turn my head to the right to look at the city skyscape, hundreds of buildings aglow in the early morning sun. I feel the city’s energy. I walk around our condo high in the sky on the 71^st floor and smile as I touch my grandmother’s Chinese bowl holding a white Orchid.

I stop and smile at my collection of turtles that mean long life in the Chinese culture and feel nostalgic as I gaze at the last photo taken of Orchid, Shelly and me. I am home. I am delightfully content and happy. I am grateful for my perfect lifestyle in my beautiful Chicago.

“What a difference a woman’s environment can make,” I think to myself. I do not feel a kinship to Palm Springs, California, my home away from home. I have had this feeling for a long time, years to be exact. I have to fight to be ‘me’ in California. In Chicago, I am ‘me.’

I Gotta Be Me

I know what made my heart sing and it is not Palm Springs.

Instead of considering my needs, I put my ultimate concierge’s happiness before my own because I truly thought I could adapt. After all, I pride myself on my adaptability.

I must say, my husband was not selfish. He told me he would put our home on the market. I knew how happy he was and I did not want to rob him of a lifestyle he loved.

But one year led to another year to another year in Palm Springs. I finally said to myself, “It is my turn.”

How I Learned to Say Yes to My Needs

I was on the precipice of making a big decision because I would be upsetting the apple cart. I was asking my husband to sell our beautiful home; a home we built together.

I was asking him to leave a community he enjoyed and asking him to pull up stakes and resettle in an unknown community on a sea. Yes, I want to live on a sea.

I want to walk the beach with my guy (he loves the beach) and I want our new abode to be indoor-outdoor living overlooking an ocean. I want to sit outside on my Lanai and write. I want to entertain new friends. I want an island lifestyle.

What I didn’t want to do was contend with GUILT. But how?

I knew my guilt was unavoidable because when we take it upon ourselves to tell those we love we want to make a life change that will affect them, guilt is inescapable.

I found that once I made the decision to live with my guilt, I had control over my decision. It is a very liberating feeling, darlings.

I think it is important to learn how to embrace guilt because it helps us face other fears such as telling a close friend no or telling your children you cannot make an event. So many times I shortchange myself because I prefer not to live with the guilt.

What You Should Remember

After making a decision, take action, then tell yourself to let the guilt go and focus on the positive result of your choice.

My ultimate concierge knew without a doubt, that the physical environment and the community I lived in had an overpowering negative effect on my personal happiness. Therefore, he decided it was time to make a lifestyle change. That was the frosting on the cake.

That means a big move hopefully sooner than later. I believe it is going to be a new fairy tale beginning and I am excited to enter it with my ultimate concierge.

Don’t Let Guilt Hold You Back

Many of you have visions that require a life change. It may be large or small. Tackle it. Feeling your guilt is natural and understanding it is part of the process. Once you know this is what is best for you, focus on the positive that lies ahead and let the guilt go.

Susan “Honey” Good is the founder of HoneyGood.com where this blog originally appeared. The site is a collection of lessons learned, life advice and insights from not only her, but from a fantastic group of contributing writers, each adding their own spice to the recipe. Honey Good.com representing “a family tree of women” — wives, mothers, daughters, granddaughters, mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law, sisters, aunts, cousins and girlfriends — coming together to talk about what makes them tick as well as what they have in common. Honey Good discusses life experiences with wisdom, humor and intellect, enabling all to attain a “Honey Good Style of Life.”