Love and Intimacy

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Did you know that over 50% of Americans over age 50 are single? And according to the latest research, those who choose to find a significant other, will find the person online.

That may all be true, but I believe that how we meet isn’t half as important as where we are in our lives when we meet.

The truth among us human beings is our tolerance for human closeness or intimacy will determine what kind of partner we choose next, and how far that relationship can go.

We can only accept as much intimacy as we can stand at any one time, and then we start to push others away. But this is the tricky part. How do we distinguish between fear of intimacy and good boundaries? Are we pushing others away because they are invading our personal space, reflecting a sense of healthy boundaries, or because we cannot tolerate higher levels of closeness with others?

The only way I know to distinguish between these two is to know yourself. Spend the time to get super comfortable with being with YOU. Find ways to love and accept all of your great qualities along with your flaws. Become intimate with yourself BEFORE you try to get comfortable with others in your life.

Quality time spent alone can be called “loneliness” or it can be called “solitude.” The time I have spent alone has taught me so much about who I am and what I need to be a happy person. I now know I need quite a bit of time alone to enjoy my time with others, but that does not mean I don’t need intimacy with others sometimes.

We are all different and hurrah for that! There is so much we must learn about ourselves before we are fit for healthy intimate relationships with others. Knowing how much time you need alone is essential when searching out another to spend time with.

To learn more about preparing for healthy intimacy with others: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom.  Available in both book and e-book format.

Laura Lee Carter, MA Counseling Psychology, the writer behind the popular online magazine Midlife Crisis Queen,has been helping others turn midlife difficulties into opportunities for personal change since 2007. Besides working as a psychotherapist, Laura Lee has authored a number of books and e-books on midlife transformation.  Don’t miss her new book: Find Your Reason to Be Here: The Search for Meaning in Midlife. Follow her on Twitter: @midlifequeen