Ok Google

By Sally Franz

“Danger Will Robinson!” spouted Robot B-9. Lost in Space was fantasy meets pop-culture in 1965. It was poorly written barely plot driven wannbe sci-fi. Imagine a robot following you around talking like some kind of expert, corny at best. Fast forward over a half of century (yes I just said that) and I am talking not to a life-size robot, but to a robot that fits into my pocketbook and doubles as my phone and camera.

I am talking about Google, the be all and end all of trivia. It is a set of World Book Encyclopedias in a container the size of a box of Chicklets. And if you take the Google database as the truth and an accurate knowledge core for our generation, then it is the final mediator of most local and spousal arguments. Albeit Google does fall short on personal trivia: What was your sister drinking when she threw-up at our wedding? Who did you sleep with that weekend you went to Yale? Who ate the last piece of pie I was saving for myself? But other than that the sky, or a satellite, is the limit.

For example, this week when we found out that our car insurance had been cancelled three months beforehand, I immediately went into action. “Okay, Google, where is the nearest Geico office?” Boom, I get an address and a button to auto-call a real live agent and within ten minutes we are covered with the ID cards for our cars in my email inbox.

Say you are fighting over a word spelling in Scrabble? “Ok Google, how do you spell discentary/dysentery?” Or, “Ok Google, how thick does insulation need to be in your crawl space?” Is someone in your group of friends a BS artist making up stuff on the fly? No big deal “Ok Google, is it true that ostriches once roamed Brooklyn?”

Say you are at a cocktail party and someone is reminiscing about seeing Sputnik, but what year? “Ok, Google!” Maybe you forgot how to make a great tri-tip and the grill is warming up, “Ok Google…” Anytime we do not know a fact, a place, a time zone, directions, or the nearest sangria and tapas bar, it is a question away. Even our fingers don’t have to do “the walking”.

Now I know that many of the “facts” are referenced from Wikipedia, a questionable source of researched data. But at three a.m. when you wake up and wonder what Cher’s last name was before Bono, it is there for you.

Other uses for “Ok, Google” include getting the correct lyrics to a song while you are listening to it. You can locate deals and bargains, you can get coupons, tips and funny YouTube vidos any time night or day. It is an insomniac’s dream.

And most important for seniors who did not grow up texting, you can just say those magic words, “Ok Google” and add your question. I like trivia, but I am not apt to type a long sentence to find out something I only moderately care about. For example it does cross my mind to ask, “Ok Google, what is the origin of the pineapple-upside down cake?” But I am not going to text that into my phone.

Sally Franz and her third husband live on the Olympic Peninsula. She has two daughters, a stepson, and three grandchildren. Sally is the author of several humor books including Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey and The Baby Boomer’s Guide to Menopause. She hosts a local radio humor segment, “Baby Boomer Humor with Sassy Sally”.