Stating the Obvious

By

I recall, many years back, sitting on the upper outdoor level of a double decker bus in London. All the American tourists were oooing and ahhhhing while exclaiming things such as, "Look at how tall that is!" Or, "I love how old everything is." And loudly, albeit under his breath, the British chap next to me grunted, "Must American's always state the obvious?" I think the answer is yes.

Since that momentous day I have observed how much of our conversation is just reporting what is around us, as if we are talking a blind person down a bumpy road. "Oh, my, you have a lovely round coffee table.” "Gosh, carpeting everywhere." "Golly, you have a pool and a tennis court?" It is the equivalent of verbal gawking. Something that British chap abhorred. I know that I fall prey to stating the obvious when I am on a long, boring car ride. I start reading the signs on the road…out loud. "Burger King, Ace is the Place, Fanny's Florals," or if I am on a major highway with no billboards, I read every exit sign or historical marker. I am not sure, but I think I do this even when I drive alone.

I have tried to break myself of this habit, if only for that one British gentleman. But now with our litigious society, I am reading warning labels on stuff out loud for the humor of it. So the highlight of my week was reading out loud and snapping photos of the delivery truck in front of me this week. "Fed-X Ground" was written in two-foot high letters on the back of the truck. Why? Is the Fed-X division of trucking owned separately from the air division? Or for liability's sake do we need to know that the Fed-X vehicle in front of me is not going to veer off the highway and take off the ground to join the jet trails overhead?

So for fun I decided to go through my pantry and see what other obvious instructions I would find. Tea bags: "place tea bag in hot water 1-2 minutes and then REMOVE tea bag before drinking”. On a box of granola bars on the end with the tab to open it: "to open lift tab". On a bag of gummy worms: "soft and chewy candy". Here's a legal disclaimer I found on a bag of cough drops: "This (above) statement has not been evaluated by the food and drug administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease". In a box of gorp trail mix named Fruit and Nut Mix: "contains peanuts and almonds" (which are in the photo on the cover of the box). On my jar of peanut butter: "This package is recyclable. However recycling programs for this package may not exist in your area". I love this last one. Yes it is considered recyclable, but it will not find its own recycling center, or the place where your garbage ends up may just toss this in the landfill along with the banana peels and coffee grinds and all your hard work to rinse and separate this jar to save the planet will go up in smoke. So you better clean this and save it for a year and drive around to a town with a recycling center, if you are all that crunchy-granola.

So to state the obvious and as a disclaimer, this blog will not help you, is not a remedy for anything, and must be hand discarded after reading by hitting the delete button, but remember to empty your cyber trash once in a while or this could sit with other material and rot, digitally speaking, for years. 

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of "Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey,"and "The Baby Boomer's Guide to Menopause."