Three Symptoms of Emotional Health

By Nancy Anderson

Symptoms of emotional health indicate you are just fine. What’s so wonderful is that a balanced mind is contagious. Everyone in your orbit is affected positively by contact with you.

In my work with clients, I have noticed three symptoms that indicate they are in good emotional shape. This does not mean they are problem-free. Far from it. Yet how they respond to frustration differentiates them from who they were when every obstacle was a personal affront.

Patience

The first symptom of emotional health is patience: the ability to endure waiting or delay without becoming annoyed or upset. Faced with difficulties, you persevere calmly and don’t complain. Even so, you are not a martyr. When people or circumstances try your patience to the limit, you say or do something about the issue rather than seethe in silence.

The difference between knowing when to take action and when to wait is based on knowing what constitutes healthy behavior. If you were brought up in an impatient family, knowing how to cope with frustrated people is difficult. For example, someone close to you has a habit of blaming others when he fails. If you make excuses for him you are not being patient. Instead, you are encouraging feelings of entitlement. The spoiled brat of any age is the result of indulgence.

The wise person knows there is no quick and easy path to worthwhile goals. It is only human to be impatient at times, but when you see time as an ally, not an enemy, setbacks and delays are opportunities to get it right, whatever “it” may be.

Directness

The second sign of emotional health is directness: the ability to get to the point. Directness is the result of faith in the truth, whereas indirect communication is based on fear. That happens when you believe others will retaliate if you are honest, so you hold back what you think and feel to avoid conflict.

The fear that something awful will happen when you are direct is a reaction to impatient authority figures that carries over into adulthood. Fear of their disapproval causes you to say one thing and then do another. Or you spend time with irritated people and then complain about them behind their backs. This causes so much confusion you don’t know who you are or what you want out of life.

So how do you become direct without stepping on everyone’s toes? First, admit what you feel and think. This is not as easy as it sounds. You will need to observe yourself in every encounter to catch yourself in the act of self-deception. This takes great courage since what you see at first is not pretty. But if you look without judgment, in time what you say and do will align with your thoughts and feelings.

Flexibility

The third symptom of emotional health is flexibility: the ability to change or be changed by circumstances. Obviously, you don’t want to be putty in the hands of others. When you’re too flexible, you lose your sense of identity. One way to discover who you are and what you value is to get rid of everything that has lost its purpose: outdated clothing, furniture, knickknacks, stacks of paper, books and magazines, gifts and inherited items you will never use. To keep motivated during the streamlining process, imagine what it will be like to wake up in the morning and all you see is what you love and use.

A word of caution: getting rid of stuff will stir up feelings the clutter was masking. The anxiety may be so intense you feel physically ill. Discomfort is a sign your authentic self is coming to the surface, so persist until you realize that what scares you is a childhood bogeyman that has no power over the real you.

As a patient, direct, and flexible person, you will seize opportunities you missed when you were intent on holding onto the past. You will also know what to avoid. Free from the burden of what is dead and gone, life and work become the adventure they were meant to be.

Nancy Anderson is a career and life consultant based in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author of the best selling career guideWork with Passion, How to Do What You Love For a Living, and Work with Passion and Beyond, Reach Your Full Potential and Make the Money You Need. Her website is http://www.workwithpassion.com.