Three Ways to Get Past the Heartbreak

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If you are having a hard time getting over a breakup, be gentle with yourself.  Maybe you thought things were going well, but he wasn’t on that same page with you, or maybe it is both of you that decided it was best to part ways. But now, you’re doubting if breaking up was really the right thing to do; you’re having trouble moving on and you’re trying to figure out ways to get him back. Yet the more you talk to him and see him the worse you feel and the more your heart breaks.  If you’re feeling stuck in this cycle here are some ways to get over him.

1. Take inventory on what was making you unhappy: Instead of fantasizing about all the good and rehashing the past and all the mistakes you believe you made, start to remind yourself of the things that didn’t work for you. In romanticizing your past or only seeing the good, you miss out on the reality of all the ways this relationship made your life unbalanced, unpredictable and uncomfortable.

2. Learn to be yourself, not lose yourself, in a relationship: Many people give up who they are to be in a relationship. For example, you might give up valuable time with friends and family, you don’t exercise as much, are less focused on your diet and health and on doing the things that make you happy. You do this to make your man feel happy and important because you are too invested in making the relationship work. Change your pattern. Force yourself to get back to yourself.

3. Be Open for love to find you: It is natural to stop your life for a little while after a breakup. But never let your ex have the power to stop you from dating out of the fear of getting hurt again. Love cannot happen in isolation and you cannot grow and evolve if you will not let another potential love come into your life. Commit to getting healthy and back to living a life you love and then open the door to your heart again.  Create the space in your life for that new love to enter.

In your time alone, the most important thing you can do is built yourself anew. Take the loss and examine what you did to choose “beneath” you and what you did to shrink yourself to fit with someone who needed you to be less. Stay out of self-abuse and feeling fatally flawed after a break up. It was simply a learning and growing experience. You will experience the kind of LOVE you've always dreamed, regardless of what kind of bad experiences you've had before. Your past experiences only prepare you to be a better version of who you want to be in a relationship and who you want to choose as a partner.

Sherapy Advice:  When you become more, you will never settle for less. 

Sherrie Campbell, PhD is a veteran, licensed Psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California. Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person, available on Amazon. Learn more about her work at her website, www.sherriecampbellphd.com.