Whining Yourself into a Corner

By Sally Franz

We have all seen the photo of people who painted themselves into a corner. If you have actually ever done the equivalent, say mopping yourself into a corner, as I have, you find yourself perplexed. Wait, where was my brain? The task was so simple and yet I just handed my brain over to the hatcheck girl in the sky. Simple tasks can apparently numb brain cells.

I mention this because I have met a number of people along the way in life who can actually whine their way into a corner. It usually starts like this: I always wanted to be a piano player, writer, ballroom dancer. Now granted not everyone will end up being household names at these pursuits. But golly gee whiz, on the spectrum of Liberace, Hemingway, or Ginger Rogers on one side…and doing jack-squat-zippo-nil on the other side, there is lots of grey wiggle room in between. So why don’t folks give their dreams the old college try? I don’t know.

But lord love a duck, do not be the one to point out how easy it is to just try a wee baby step. I know because as a motivational writer and speaker I have always been the one who pipes up: hey, there is a workshop for beginners on that very topic starting next week, did you know there are free sessions on that at the community center or I can help you with that right now, for free.

Then comes the most amazing thing. The person with the dream jumps ship, swims to the nearby pirate ship and starts attacking me for wanting her to have her dreams come true. One canon fires after another. I can’t do it this week, I don’t want to be in a room full of all stupid amateurs, I can’t afford $10, YouTube videos don’t count like a real classroom or my all-time favorite…why are you pushing me to do that?

Ever hear one of these pathetic whines? It is so hard to learn something new. It’s hard to be the only beginner in the class. I will feel embarrassed. Yes, Grasshopper, if it was easy everyone would do it and there would be no extra seats at the class at the community center.

This pattern of “I want”, “but” (you don’t understand why I can’t have) is strongest in Baby Boomers when dating again. Find a Boomer who laments why they are still single and this person will have a long laundry list of why there are no suitable partners for him or her. In fact, people like this choose a lifestyle that almost guarantees they will never find a mate, unless the pizza delivery-person is up for grabs.

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t – you’re right.” H. Ford (Henry, not Harrison).

I once belonged to an adult fellowship group. Every Friday night we went to karaoke, a movie or out dancing. There were approximately 20 men and two women. I asked at least 20 women who were lonely to join us. Here are some of the real excuses I heard: I have to shampoo my hair, I have to bake brownies for work, and this one for the Hall of Fame of Lame Excuses… I have to clean the house. Really? Who has to clean the house? Trust me I am pretty sure it will be there when you get back. I have never seen a herd of dust bunnies just mosey out from under the bed and skedaddle to someone else’s place while I was gone. And if clothes jumped out of my dirty hamper to wash and fold themselves in my absence I wouldn’t call an Exorcist, I’d open a Wash n Fold.

Stop whining. Your long lists of excuses will wait while you get out of that corner and get a life.

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of “Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey,” and “The Baby Boomer’s Guide to Menopause.”