Why Boomers Need An Emotional Connection For Sex

By Ken Solin

There’s a range of pleasure/functionality in boomer sex. It spans from totally dysfunctional to the best sex imaginable. Most boomers fall somewhere in the middle, but sex is too special to be merely middling. There’s a common denominator for couples at the upper end of the scale, and it’s partners who share a deep emotional connection. The deeper that connection the more pleasurable and functional sex is. But if your sex life falls into the lower end, don’t worry it’s often fixable.

Wide Knowledge Base

My Curriculum Vitae derives from writing about boomer sex for ten years, thousands of comments on my articles, dating on and off for a decade, 25 years working with men in groups, and date coaching boomer women. The quality of boomers’ sexual experiences is inexorably linked to EQ, Emotional Intelligence. The higher a couple’s EQ the better chance for a stellar, long-term sexual relationship, honeymoon sex excepted.

Suffering Unnecessarily

Nearly half of aging male boomers struggle with sexual dysfunction, whether physical, emotional, or both. And while I’m not an expert on the physical, I am on the emotional. Most men have relied solely on their bodies to function sexually, and at some point many discover their bodies no longer perform well. ED meds are available, but they don’t address what’s missing emotionally, which is often sufficient to improve sexual functionality for many men.

Never Too Late

The majority of male boomers never learned to access or share their feelings with either men or women. And if a man is incapable of integrating his feelings into sexual play he’s missing a major ingredient that can make him a lion in bed again. Granted, learning the heart/sexual connection isn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile in life ever is. Great sex is worth some emotional stretching.

Women

Where do boomer women fit into this sexual paradigm? Nearly every boomer woman has emotionally based friendships with other women, and they bring these skills into relationships with men. And while it isn’t incumbent upon women to teach men these emotional skills, they can help simply by being patient and appreciative when a man ventures onto this typically uneven playing field.

Passive But Helpful

The most helpful path for women is to be non-judgmental when a man expresses his feelings. Listen compassionately without offering advice. Trust is a major stumbling block for boomer men in the emotional sharing arena, so it’s critical not to shut a man down with criticism, impatience, or advice. The emotional dialogue will be ongoing if a man feels heard rather than judged. So if you ask your guy how he’s feeling about you, don’t react angrily or judgmentally if what he offers isn’t what you’d hoped to hear. And while it’s okay to let him know how you feel about what he shared, it’s not okay to attack him for it.

Every boomer should be having the best sex imaginable, and often all that’s missing is knowing how to connect two hearts with two bodies in a loving, trusting manner.

Ken is a Dating Expert for Huff/Post 50, AARP, About.com, and Maria Shriver. He has been writing about boomer sex, dating, and relationships for a decade. Ken’s new book The Boomer Guide To Finding True Love Online is now available. Ken’s website contains articles and tips about boomer dating as well as information about men’s counseling. www.kensolin.comFollow Ken on Twitter https://twitter.com